on suicidal people

if people knew that suicidal people are suicidal,
would they change their views about them?
will they think that those suicidal people are pathetic and weak?
will they sympathize with them and have a little more consideration?
will they choose their words so as not to offend them?

suicide is a serious matter.
who on their right mind will think about killing themselves?
i'm not talking about suicide where the self-killer blackmails another.
it's more about suicide where the suicidal person is fed up with whatever is going on with his/her life
and wants to end it abruptly.
because he/she thinks and has decided that there's nothing left to do and to happen in his/her life.
that everything is just a waste of time.
that he/she is tired of living his/her daily life the same way as any other day.

do you think it will change the perception of other people if they knew that that person is suicidal?
will they think lowly of him/her?
or will they be more concerned about the suicidal person?

have you ever thought about ending your own life? for good?
i have.
and i still do.
lately, i've been thinking a lot about it.
but i keep thinking... no, i can still go on.
i can still live.
i can still endure.
i still can.

but,
any day now,
i might give up thinking that i still can.

...

is this early goodbye?
or shall we meet again some other time?

on being alone

of course i know this much
i'm alone
i've succeeded in breaking all of my  ties
at least, those that i thought i had
it's not too bad being alone
really.
it's not too bad.

on studying

i've been slacking off.
gomennasai.
i'll do it properly.
nihongo no benkyou.
chanto yarimasu kara.
i'll pass the jlpt exam.

free time and daydreams

so what do you do on your free time?
as expected, not doing anything is impossible isn't it.
what does "free time" mean anyway?
there's no such thing.
there's only the time when you're not doing something profitable.
meaning, no money generated from such activity.
like sleeping, doing a hobby, watching tv, dvd, you name it.
well there are some people who earns income from their hobby, right?
like painting, drawing, arts and crafts.
but if they were me, i wouldn't sell the product of my hobby.
that's if i had one.
as for me, during my free time, i like to sleep.
that's because i like to dream.
and it's frustrating once you wake up not remembering what you dreamt about.
i also dream while awake you know.
there's so many things to dream about in this world.
when i say dream, it yields more to the fantasy realm than in reality.
why not.
it's fun. imagination wanders to its limits.
and whenever imagination is active, you can become anyone and anything.
there's no boundary to what you can do.
so dream.
and have them inspire you to become a better you.
=)

on words

words have different meanings.
it all depends on how one says it.
sometimes it's better not to say anything
but people often speak just for the sake of saying something.
erasing the silence surrounding them.
why silence is the most awesome experience a person can have.
more often than not, people say things that they regret saying.
because words often come out wrongly said.
now, how to say things right, i do not really know.
as i am a stoic kind of person.
i'm no good in expressing emotions through words.
because it's not all about the words you use.
the sound of your voice, the pause, the facial expression you have while speaking,
are just some of the considerations in understanding the meaning of words you say.
it's not very easy using words and speaking and conveying something.
there's the risk of being misunderstood.
so speak well.
the best way must be is to speak sincerely.